One morning he woke her at dawn. She was still intoxicated after the previous night’s party, so obliged him — that is allowed herself to be persuaded to dress up in that nightgown and go out on to the lawn. Her blonde hair — being grown long for her wedding — was a mess, all over the place. But he demanded she leave it as is, in fact he asked her to mess it up a little more . After taking several photos, using a tripod, Merrick asked to yawn and stretch. The digital ‘check exposures’ looked good. She asked to be allowed to go back to bed. Just one more — he urged. Only one more. ‘All right, but hurry. I need to go to the bathroom.’ ‘OK, just allow your right nipple to show, then stretch, yawn and think of bathing in your favorite perfume — really think of wallowing in it, with me in the kitchen preparing you your favorite desert — coffee pear Alaska.’ ‘Y-u-u-u-u-m-m-m,’ Kirsty genuinely yawned. ‘Right, thank you madam. You may retire.’ Kirsty no longer asked him why he was always. My legs are long andmuscled yet smooth and trim as are my arms. My hands are strong yet smoothwith tapered fingers.What am I? Do I belong? Is there a place for a penis bearer like me? Can Ibe myself and exist happily in this world? Once I am no longer needed athome, what then? Will time change me into something else? Do I need physicalintervention like drug therapy or operations to become an acceptable humanbeing? To be a pretty teenage girl what has been done? To be a teenage boywhat needs to be done? What am I? Am I that different?I am lost deep within myself. What is myself? Is there a real me? Am Isomething that changes by my surroundings like a chameleon? Is there a, me,myself and I? I am lost within. My eyes have grabbed and held me fast. Ihave traveled deep and far within only to find what? No answers to my quest?Barbara has sent me to look at my self. A mission that is too general andvague for any true answers. How can one find oneself when it truly does notexist? One mind.
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